I don’t know if it is that I’m too stingy or that the economic crisis has struck my pocket to harshly, but when I approached the little newsstand, the one where you place classified ads when you want to sell something, I redacted the cheapest piece of advertising the young man working at the newsstand had to offer, writing a mere five-word ad saying “ The Protocol of Kyoto Died”, however, when he noticed that my ad was just five words of length, he let me know that writing an ad twice as long would cost me the same amount of money and even encouraged me to do so, claiming that the recently deceased lady deserved more than such a pitiful obituary. I tried convincing the young man of those five words being enough, be he insisted so much that I was obliged to extend the publication.
The kind young man was very surprised after reading my extended ad: “The Protocol of Kyoto died, house for sale in wonderful beach”. He couldn’t bear to hold it inside of him – With no intention of being nosey sir, but the two phrases have no relation at all-. –But of course they do, my friend, now that Miss Protocol passed away, there is no one left to protect us from global warming. Climate Change will melt glaciers from mountains as well as ice caps and icebergs in the poles, raising the level of oceans and seas all around the world, something that in the long run will wipe out any building that is placed in coastal areas, just as my beach house which is what hurts me the most. Having said this, I said good bye to that young man, not before asking for his full discretion: -Please do not say anything about this, if people found out of the terrible faith that awaits my little house, no one would buy it and I’ll end up losing it to the high tides-.
On my way to work, I meditated until the watering of my eyes about the terrible luck Miss Protocol had that beautiful lady in which many people had placed their hope on. It’s hard to imagine someone as unlucky and unfortunate as she was all her life, especially after she married Mister Kyoto. In those fifteen years she never seemed to get anything right until her husband decided to dump her, claiming that he didn’t have enough money to support her. She was so unfortunate, that the day her faith was being decided coincided with the also critical condition of Miss European Crisis, case that captured the whole world’s attention filling every front page in the planet. Instead, Miss Protocol’s demise stayed in the shadow Miss European Crisis was casting. Very little media coverage was dedicated to Miss Protocol’s tragedy, no one knew about how disgraceful she was being and no one came to her aid when Mr. Kyoto threw her out to the streets, penniless and helpless. She had a sudden panic attack, and then fell in a deep melancholy, ending up crashing her body against the filthy pavement. Her body remained for hours in the spot where she had fell victim of that fatal stroke until someone came to help her. A few weeks after the burial, private act of the lowest profile possible – The Canadians did not attend or even bothered to send flowers- no one spoke of her ever again. The economic crisis phased out the kind lady’s face.
The sworn enemies of Miss Protocol, the fearsome band of the deniers, greatly celebrated her disappearance. Well of course they did, with Miss protocol gone, now they can contaminate and pollute all they want without being supervised or constantly fined, but they aren’t aware, or at least make it seem as if they aren’t, that there is another lady, ruthless and implacable, that has sworn to avenge Miss Protocol’s death, Miss Climate Change. This is the one we must fear, especially because she counts with total and unconditional support of her loyal husband, Mr. Weather, always willing and ready to strike us with all of his fury to make us understand that we must fear and respect the threat climate poses to us, consequence of our misbehavior towards our rotator and traveling habitat.
Miss Protocol’s death was the culmination of a chain of unlucky events that began long before her marriage to Mr. Protocol and that was enlarged with the links added in the last five years of her life, period during which her friends played her, had her jumping back and forth just to send her to hell at the end. Since Bali in 2007 a systematic deferral began, something that always started with “we almost reached a full agreement, there only remain a few details that will be treated and ultimate in next year’s conference”. That was the story in Copenhagen 2009, it repeated itself in Cancun 2010 and last week, during Durban 2011, we, the whole world, ended up with no climate protocol, just as if we were naked in the outdoor. We may run out of coasts in the short term, it’s a good thing I got an early start in the selling of my house. Well I must leave you now, I got to run to sell my house, I hope to get a good price. Now I understand the Canadians.
Sandor Alejandro Gerendas-Kiss
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